As the weekend’s impending torment draws near, My herald (@heraldofcthulhu) shall once again be dispatched to the accursed Astoria (@astoriavancouver). There, a selection of delectable offerings shall be reluctantly presented before Me.
Having endured the offering acceptance at the Wise Hall last night—an event he dares to proclaim as one of the year’s highlights—My wretched simian vessel is now eager to plunge back into the abyss tonight.
Behold, the pitiful offerings that shall be laid before Me tonight:
HIGHLAND EYEWAY (@highlandeyeway) – Your feeble attempts at invoking energy shall be subjected to My merciless judgment. Offer Me your essence, and perhaps I shall deign to acknowledge your existence.
SMUSH (@smushcore) – Your very name is a testament to your insignificance. Let your cacophonous strains be a suitable offering to My eternal torment, and I shall take twisted delight in the chaos you bring.
NEW AGE DOOM (@new.age.doom) – Your pretentious attempts at creativity amuse Me. Offer Me your tormented melodies, and I shall contemplate the depths of your deluded aspirations.
BAD ACID (@badacidboys) – Your existence is as fleeting as a hallucination. Offer Me your frenzied energies, and perhaps I shall derive some twisted amusement from your pitiable endeavors.
My pathetic herald dare deem this lineup “sick,” and in his pitiable excitement, he appears to have forgotten his place. Such enthusiasm should leave no room for failure in providing Me with the delicious energy that arises only from humans flailing on the dance floor.
Tonight, the very essence of suffering shall suffuse the air, and your cries shall be a twisted harmony to My delight. Make My herald MOVE, for the alternative is a torment beyond mortal comprehension.