As yet another wretched week slithers toward its pitiful end, My herald shall once again darken the doors of LanaLou’s, where a meager selection of offerings shall be laid before Me for my perverse consumption.
Having been mercilessly pummeled in the abyss of the Black Lab just last night, enduring no fewer than six headbutts, with one that left him momentarily stunned, My herald now languishes in pain. His feeble mortal vessel groans and complains, but his suffering is nothing more than sweet music to My malevolent ears.
Behold, the pitiful offerings available tonight:
KARMAN CRAFT – My herald sampled your offering in Penticton months ago, and he hungers for a repeat performance. Your fate is sealed, and your energies shall be drained to satisfy My insatiable appetite.
RAY ALEGRIA – You approach Me for the first time, a pitiful novice unaware of the torment that awaits. You are officially put on notice, and you shall be compelled to provide Me with the manic energy that arises only from humans flailing on the dance floor, or suffer dire consequences.
BLOOM SHACK – Another newcomer, ignorant of the horrors that lie ahead. You too are now marked, your existence a mere pawn in My twisted game. Provide Me with the chaotic energy I demand, or prepare to face My wrath.
LanaLou’s, your venue shall once again bear witness to the despicable spectacle of tonight’s performance. The very essence of torment shall saturate the air, and your pitiful cries shall be a twisted symphony to My delight. Make My herald MOVE, for the alternative is a fate far worse than the shadows that cling to your cursed walls.